im an idiot betches :)

omfg, k today im deciding i will blog about how fuckin idiotic of a person i am.
in grade 8, i came to a new school. i was all emo kid and retarted. and OBSESSED. anyways, the teacher welcomes me, shows me my locker, then the table i'd be sitting at with 3 other peeople. that was the first time i saw him. not gonna lie, i didnt immediately "fall in love" with the kid, but i thought he was cute.
i realized that on his binder it said his last name, and i happened to say it correctly, he then asked me how i knew to say it. i replied with the statement of that i was polish and my mother had that last name before she married my dad. he didnt believe me. then, OF COURSE I HAD TO BE ALL RETARTED, i said that we're related. i didnt leave him alone with that, and kept scaring the poor guy about being cousins. when i look back on this, i literally wanna stab myself in the fuckin face.
i kept on going like this for about 2 months, and he didnt wanna be around me anymore, he thought i was fucked up in the head, and i should get some help. i dont blame him. after a while, i stopped harassing the guy, because i thought i was "in love" like some fan girl of the jonas brothers. I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS GUY. wrote his name everywhere, talked 24/7 about him, stalked him, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?!?KEHDSGUYFIS. who the fuck would do that. i went beyond the limit of creepiness. like, i didnt make it anymore fuckin obvious, and of course everyone found out.
he stopped talking to me COMPLETELY. he wouldnt even look at me. and if someone mentioned my name to him, he would grimace. i honestly feel sorry for the guy now cause everyone pressured him to like me, but he really just wanted to be left alone. HE DIDNT LIKE ME, but that obviously didnt get through my head -______-
so one day, theres this party that i decide to go to. i DAZZLE myself up in hoping to, well... for him to notice me? so the party was going great, until i find out something, and i think it was the the end of the world. he asked one of my friends out, and i freaked. i went psycho on a punching bag, and everyone around me thought i was mental. like what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. may i point out that im a FUCKTARD. i made a fool of myself in front of everyone including him. like some cry baby that just shitted in its diaper and no ones changing it. HOLY SHIT. so, i talk to him, and i decide to share my feelings. i basically said I LOVE YOU AND I REALLY WANT YOU TO LOVE ME TOO, IVE LOVED YOU SINCE THE DAY I SAW YOU AND I NEVER WANNA LET YOU GO. like seriously, really? why? why? why? but he was so fuckin nice about it, he just said that he doesnt like me in that way, but we could be friends. WELL FRIENDS WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME BETCHES. like why couldnt i just leave him alone, i didnt think i was psycho at the moment. so i caused a lot of drama, and everyone found out i was crying over the guy, and they all felt sorry for me. like some fuckin 5 year old.
but i kept on liking him, and then when they broke up, i thought i was gonna get a shot with him, LMFAO. i know, im a dumbass.
i remember one time, my friend turned around and asked him who he thinks is cooler, me or her. he said me. I THOUGHT I WAS FLOATING ON A CLOUD AND THERE WERE UNICORNS FLYING EVERYWHERE. then my friend said really? he quickly changed his mind and said she was cooler. she turned around, and then he told me that i was cooler, he just didnt want her to be mad at him. i probably looked like a fuckin tomatoe. he was always nice to me, but he just didnt want me to be heart broken. poor poor me -___-.
so grad comes around, and im totally stoked. once again i get all dazzled up, of course, for him to notice me C: i thought i looked hott, but i look at the pictures now and i look like shit. anyways, so after the ceremony there was a dance. fast songs play mostly, and when it came to the slow songs, i was FOR SURE that he was gonna ask me to dance. but he asked this other girl, and of course i had to act all broken hearted. then this other boy comes up to me asking me what was wrong. i told him that he was dancing with another girl and he will never ask me to dance. this boy promised me that he would talk to him, and i was all like: OH NO, PLEASE DONT, OH WHATEVER SHALL I DO? so he talks to the guy, and FORCES him to dance with me. only because it was grad, and he would never EVER have to do it again. pretty good deal. so this other girl comes up to him, and he pushes her away, then walked towards me, which i thought was pretty sweet :$ and we danced. i was like stuck on him, and i wouldnt let go. OMFG, when i see some of the pictures, i look like a fuckin fag. like HOLY SHIT, can i get anymore desperate? after that night, i never washed myself, KIDDING. but i was happy, yet i didnt realize that we would be going to high school next year and that'd he meet other girls, and totally forget about me. not that he thought of me.
so i decided to get over him. NOBODY BELIEVED ME THOUGH. like whenever i tried to convince them, they'd just say sure, cause really who would get over a guy after liking them for that long? although it wasnt really liking, it was like, loving, and obsessing. :S God, im such an idiot.
sooo, after summer, school came along, grade nine. the torture was, seeing him everyday at my bus stop, and facing him with the embarassment of last year. like whenever i looked at him, i just wanted to get runover by a car, or hit by a bull, or stabbed repeatedly in the face. like thats how fuckin embarassed i was. but i was seriously over him. there were new guys, and more attractive ones. he was always cute though :)and so that year, i had a boyfriend, and i tried out "new experiences" and totally forgot about him but before i had a mini crush on him when i saw him in a video and he had muscles. other than that i totally forgot about him except when i saw him at the bus stop, and in between halls, and at the park. but those are exceptions.
anywaysssss, one day. my bullshit of a friend, and my other friend decide to come over to my house at 9pm. they had a surprise for me, and out he came! there he was again, hugged me on my front doorstep, infront of my father. i was so fuckin red, and smiling like a clown. do you know what i said? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID? is this a dream? omg, this isnt real. and yes i said this all out loud. i thought i was in lala land. like i thought embarassing myself infront of this guy was over. it wasnt. so we all decide to go for a walk while i embarassed myself even more, although it turns out he was high on peppers? i didnt like him at that time, i just thought he was hott. but i did embarass myself, and yet again i had to face him at the bus stop.
i always fuckin stutter infront of this guy, i cant look at his face, and i always smile. ALWAYS. but he did look hott that time. yeah, so i basically had a fucked up grade 8 year cause of my retartedness. oh, and today, i saw him again, i couldnt look at his face. high five for me! atleast i didnt say anything retarted.
so basically, we are not meant to be, but i heard people are betting that we will go out before grade 12. i hope they arent betting with money, cause they will lose sooooo bad. BY THE WAY, he is so hott now. well his body. just wanted to get that off my chest. there you have it. remember kids, never say what you are actually feeling about a guy when he is there. your luck with boys may turn out to be like mine. but seriously, all of this couldve been avoided, like i didnt have to be obsessed and scare him, we mightve been freinds today, but im a fuck up. maybe he'll forgive me? LMFAO.
thats all.
plus sentence, people think its creepy that i know how to spell his name, but its only because i went to polish school for 8 years.


i like trolls.


ITSBERNABETCH, call me ;)